The 10-second coaching habit worth practising

If there is one coaching capability I want you to master this year, it’s the deceptively simple, deeply transformative practice of holding space.

Holding space is what happens when you quiet your internal agenda long enough to allow someone else to access their thinking and their next steps.

It’s the opposite of rushing in with advice or filling silences with “helpful” suggestions.

Staying silent is an intentional act that creates a calm, grounded environment where a person feels safe enough to think clearly and explore their inner world without pressure. When you are fully present without rushing to fix, rescue, or direct the conversation, you’ll see incredible change within your clients.

Holding space means creating psychological safety where clients can slow down, hear themselves think, and access their own wisdom.

Positive psychology suggests that people are more likely to change when they feel deeply understood rather than directed. Carl Rogers’ concept of unconditional positive regard remains one of the strongest predictors of behavioural and emotional growth, and it starts with being present.

Your clients may be slow to change, even though you feel like you’re handing them the perfect solution. Change happens naturally when they feel seen, heard, and supported long enough to discover the solution within themselves.

Holding space honours that process.

It allows clients to slow down and helps them access deeper insights. When you allow them room to breathe, reflect, and connect the dots, you’ll see change unfold.

When you intentionally step back, you invite them to step forward.

When silence says everything

It’s natural to feel uncomfortable with silence.

Most people want to avoid the awkwardness that comes during a conversation that doesn’t flow easily. And when you’re eager to find a solution, silence can feel like progress has stalled.

You may worry a client is stuck…or bored…or expecting something from you. Your instincts tell you to jump in with suggestions, add explanations, or soften the moment with reassurance.

But silence isn’t necessarily a problem.

You should think of it as an opportunity. Silence is where the client’s real thinking begins. Instead of filling those quiet pauses with more suggestions or advice, allowing them space to think gives them permission to process. You’re signalling trust, “You’ve got this. I’m right here with you.”

It’s one of the most generous things a coach can offer.

Michael Bungay Stanier explains it perfectly:

“Just ask one question. (And then be quiet while I wait for the answer).”

The secret ingredient is curiosity

Holding space becomes even more powerful when paired with genuine, compassionate curiosity.

When you get curious, you open the door to exploring possibilities with your clients. It’s about asking the kinds of questions that open doors instead of closing them.

Questions like:

“What feels important about that for you?”
“What do you need most right now?”
“If you had a magic wand, what would you create for yourself?”
“What might you try if nothing was off-limits?”

These questions shift the conversation from problem-solving to perspective-shifting. They help clients see themselves anew, challenge assumptions, and step into a more empowered mindset. It shifts their brains from system 1 to system 2 thinking, which is where you want them to be when creating a vision for their future.

Letting go of the urge to fix things

For many coaches, especially those who naturally care deeply about helping others, the hardest part of holding space is resisting the instinct to offer solutions.

But trying to solve the client’s issue too quickly can create unintended consequences:

It can make the client dependent on you for direction.
It can shut down their own creative thinking.
It can unintentionally communicate, “I know what’s best for you.”

Even well-intentioned suggestions can rob clients of the opportunity to build capability, confidence, and clarity. When you get curious, ask thoughtful questions, and trust their capacity to figure things out, their self-belief grows. They move from needing answers to owning their answers.

Three simple ways to practise holding space

Slow down the pace internally and externally

Before the session, take 10 seconds to breathe, centre yourself, and get really present. Your grounded energy creates a calmer space for the client’s thinking. When you slow your pace, the conversation naturally deepens. Remember to set an intention for every session – “What is the outcome I’d like for my client at the end of this appointment?”

Follow the client, not the problem

Instead of jumping to “How do we fix this?”, get curious about what’s underneath. Follow their emotions, their language, and their meaning-making. Let the conversation unfold rather than steering it.

Embrace silence as a coaching tool

Pause after they finish speaking – count three slow breaths before responding (about 10 seconds or more). Give them space to expand their thought. If they fall silent, hold the moment for another 10 seconds without fidgeting or filling the gap.

Often, their next insight is already forming. If your mind jumps to “Should I add something?” gently bring your attention back to your breath. When you do respond, your next move should be an open question like “Tell me more about that” or “I’m curious about that. What would it mean to you if…?”

Here’s a simple cue card for you. Print this off and keep it handy at your desk.

Ready to deepen this still?

Holding space is a way of leading, supporting, and showing up with intention. In Building Resilient Pathways, we go deeper into the practices that help people feel safe, supported, and capable of navigating change with confidence. If this blog resonated with you, the book will give you practical tools, real-world insights, and a grounded framework to support your clients to move forward.

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